Housewives and Partners, Mothers and Parents

Posted by Tigritza

If the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, the way to this woman's heart seems to be through her partner.

And the "Partners Club" at Penn's business school (which I sometimes call the "Housewives Club" - just to tease Tasha, of course) figured that out this month with an interesting marketing strategy:

A handwritten postcard, just for Tasha! With no mention of even my name! Just to welcome her to Penn, even though we haven't even said Yes to them yet. It made her so happy and got her so excited!...which in turn made me really happy with Penn. They said they were excited to meet her and would love to have her, and the whole script was 100% gender-neutral. Admittedly, it's probably a semi-prepared script that's written specifically so that it can be used for Boys and Girls both, but still, it managed to reinforce in my mind that Penn's the place to be. Every day, I feel better and better about choosing Penn, and safer and happier about choosing Penn for us.

There's a "Welcome Weekend" coming up, and my business school's LGBT group is taking Tasha and me out to show us the gay scene, introduce us around and welcome us. "Sure, what's the big deal?", you may ask. "They want D-i-v-e-r-s-i-t-y, and you're it."

But if anything, the MBA application process has only highlighted for me how different Penn seems to be from other top-notch East-Coast universities.

Just for example - when I applied to Penn's program, I came across this page in the application:

But four other top-ten schools had a version of this page:

(If you didn't notice the difference between the two, please, never stop reading this blog!)

From my "newly engaged and gay" perspective, the difference is startling. I can't believe I didn't notice things like this five years ago - now they all but burn a hole through my head. How can universities - Graduate schools, even - actively recruit LGBT couples, but force a "father" and "mother" response on their business school application? When Tasha and I have kids, what are our kids going to fill out in a form like this? Which boxes will our names go in? Will one of us be forced into the "father" box? Or is one of us supposed to be excluded from the form?

When I told someone about this a few months ago, she replied: "But your children won't have two mothers. They'll have one REAL mother, and one REAL father. Right? I mean one of you won't really be the mother." Hurtful? Yep. Disheartening? You bet. And that's what all these other top-notch universities are saying to the 'Diversity' candidates they're trying to recruit.

Really? It's 2011. Thanks, Penn, for recognizing us - I can't wait to start my MBA with you. I guess a little respect - and recognition - sure goes a long way.

Do The Math

Posted by Tigritza

A few days after I got my acceptance call from Penn, I saw this:

COST SUMMARY

The educational budget for first-year students in the academic year 2010-2011 is $84,000, broken down as follows:

Educational Budget
Academic Year 2010-2011
Tuition and Fees (Includes $1,715 Pre-Term fee)	$54,009
Health Insurance	$2,808
Room and Board	$21,516
Books and Supplies	$2,000
Miscellaneous	$3,667
Total	$84,000

(Source: http://www.wharton.upenn.edu/mba/admissions/cost-summary.cfm)

Oh, crap.

...*beep* .....*beep* .....*beep* .....*beep*

.....*beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

I don't know what I'd been expecting. The short answer is, I hadn't really been expecting. As terrible as this sounds, money had never really been an issue for me. Not in the sense that we had tons of money, but in the sense that I can't remember a time when my family was actively in debt and contributing each paycheck towards reducing loan principal.

Growing up, my family taught me to respect money and spend it wisely. I remember having to plead with my mom for an Archie comic at the supermarket checkout counter (I'd say I was successful 1 in 3 times - not because we couldn't afford it, but because she didn't want to spoil me into thinking that $2 was no big deal). I remember my father telling me that as soon as each of his kids was born, he opened up a new savings account for their college education, putting a significant portion of his monthly paycheck towards these college funds. (That's 18 years of conscientious saving. Per kid!) I remember telling my parents about a Friends episode where Monica's dad tells her "Didn't we teach you to put 10% of your paycheck in a savings account?" My parents' response was: "Only 10%??" I had friends and neighbors who didn't save anywhere as much as my parents, and sometimes hit financial difficulties, but still managed to go on bi-annual expensive international vacations or purchase $1000 purses for birthdays and anniversaries. I didn't get it. And to me, it was simple: If You Save Right, You'll Never Have Money Problems.

I got out of college debt-free (blowing my parents' 18-year college fund on 4 years at an Ivy League school) and started saving. Trouble is, living in Manhattan meant that 10-15% of my paycheck was pretty much all the saving I could do. And if I made any major purchases, that savings was gone. (A $2000 flight home to Dubai, for example, wiped out 2-3 months of 'savings'.) Still, I've slowly built up a decent buffer in my bank account. I've done the research - which banks pay the most interest, which credit cards have the best rewards programs.

But now we're looking at 84 THOUSAND U.S. Dollars - for ONE year?!

Hello, Debt. Nice to finally meet you.

Tasha's just paying off the last of her undergrad debt, and together we're now welcoming:

84*2 = $168K of MBA debt + Rent expenses, and

~$20K in Living Expenses, and

~$120K+ of Masters in Nursing debt, and

~$25K in WEDDING expenses? (Trying not to think about the fact that this $25K was an estimate based on an 80-guest wedding, and our wedding may be closer to 150 guests...)

-----

= OVER $320K OF DEBT (don't worry, Honey, we'll be okay I promise!)

How many years will that take to pay off exactly? Let's not talk about it...

So, Tasha and I decided to start living like students. Cook as much as possible. Stop ordering in, period. Reject any unnecessary expenses. But turns out expenses aren't easy to reject. This month alone, we've had our fair share -

Paying off our credit card debt (read: paying for the all-out holiday gift shopping spree we had last month)

Paying for flights (England again for my middle school best friend's wedding! Ouch, American Airlines. Ouch.)

Paying for "free" vacations (our "free" March '11 vacation to the Bahamas isn't so "free" when you include necessary upgrade costs, taxes and flights)

Post-Holidays catching up with old friends (they always tend to be at nice restaurants)

....and none of these expenses would be a problem if we weren't facing our mountain of $320K+ upcoming expenses.

Come to think of it, the Wedding Debt will just be a fraction of that. *Whew*

And who knows - maybe If We Keep Saving Right, We'll Quickly Overcome All Potential Money Problems.

WHY is this still an issue?

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