The View From The 70th Floor

Posted by Tigritza

I feel so high. Literally, several stories into the sky.

Exactly four days after Tasha proposed to me, my enormous proposal plan kicked into gear. (She beat me to it by four days!!) I was still going through with it - after all, I had to give her the ring somehow! - and my plan involved 13 hours of treasure-hunting, across two cities, with fifteen friends meeting her individually along the way! I gave her a brand new Kodak Playsport video camera to take along, and she faithfully documented *almost* the whole thing. It went off without a hitch - incredible. She finally met me at the very top of the Top of the Rock in New York, and as she took in the breathtaking view of our city at night, I played for her a song that I'd written in December 2007 - changing the ending to fit this moment.

That's where the high started - turning in circles, smiles so wide and fingers so cold, our eyes locked on each other's eyes as I played out our song note by note, 70 stories above our city! ...And then, of course, the ring. I had seen the ring a year ago (with her), a gorgeous design in cheap silver, being sold at a 70% discount in a Midtown family jeweler's store. I ran back to the store the next day and bought it for $300! A few months ago, I asked Little King to re-create the ring in white gold, with a stunning diamond to top it off. Perfectly symmetrical (just the way she likes it), and dreamily swooshy. She's crazy about it!

And after that night...the metaphorical express elevator took off! Things moved so quickly, so much was happening, and it felt like I was rushing higher and higher up into some kind of dream. First were the easy floors -

Telling everyone, again: 3rd floor. Watching her parents watch the video and "get" us: Leap-frog to 13th floor. Engagement presents - dinners, cakes, champagne, facebook, emails, phone calls, screams and hugs and kisses: 17th floor. Awkward "Why did I have to find out through facebook?" messages from distant friends...16th floor. Worrying that extended family may somehow find out through facebook: 15th floor.

But then on to the higher floors - (no turning back now!)

Appraisal of the rings (we weren't ripped off? whew!): 19th floor. Insurance of rings (i don't have to freak out about losing it? --on second thought, I'll still do that.): 21st floor. Last day of work in 2010: 23rd floor. Two very successful business school interviews: 27th floor. Jetting off to a family vacation in England with my parents, sister and brother-in-law: 30th floor. Finding out I got into my top MBA program, and that we'll both be grad students in Philly this fall (!!!): 35th floor. Starting to make a guest list: 38th floor. New Year's Eve at our home, with my unbelievably beautiful fiancee: 41st floor.

...after that, I kind of expected the highs to level off.

But the elevator kept screeching on up. And from my bird's-eye view, I could suddenly see much farther out. Being so ridiculously high brought on a strange feeling of vertigo.

Where the hell are we going to have this wedding?: 44th floor.

HOW the hell are we going to have this wedding? Bridesmaids or bridesdudes, who walks down the aisle first, chuppah or fire, sari or dress, Indian food or Russian food?: 54th floor.

For most of this stuff, the "easy" (if you can call it that) solution is to have both. Bridesmaids AND bridesdudes. Sari AND wedding dress. Indian food AND Russian food. But...chuppah and fire? Walking down the aisle together? Really?

And then there was more...Suddenly everything that happens in my life affects not just me, but Us. This sounds silly - my life has been affecting Our life for a long time. But now there was another filter tacked onto my 'perspective': newly engaged, upcoming wedding, soon to be Married. Oh, the implications...

Needing to hide my engagement soon for legal reasons: Teetering on the 59th floor. Applying for a Bahamas visa, and seeing the "Single Or Married?" question - a lot harder to answer next time if I'm married but not recognized! 62nd floor. Dreading telling my extended family, and their potentially shunning my parents due to my lifestyle: 64th floor. Realizing my meager savings cover 25% of one year's worth of business school living costs, and we now have two Masters' degrees and one wedding to pay for: 66th floor.

But most of all, seeing active federal laws that still codify discrimination .... *ping!* 70 floors up.

I feel so high. So happy, dizzy with joy when I look at my fiancee making breakfast on a Sunday morning. But so scared about the law, so scared of our vulnerability, so scared about how we'll create this wedding, so scared of tipping over the edge and falling down 70 stories...is this all too good to be true? One thing I know for sure - I'm in love, she's in love, and my days are blurry and my world is dreamy.

All I can say is, I'm so excited to find out what happens next.