Wedding Planning for Dummies

Posted by Tigritza

Step One: Acknowledge that wedding planning must begin.

Step Two: Get a wedding planning book!

...so, on one very cold Sunday in Philadelphia, off we went to the Barnes and Noble wedding aisle! Not surprisingly, this was the first book that caught Tasha's eye:

...I mean, one GIANT wedding checklist?! --Tasha was in checklist heaven. She stared at it for three minutes, leafed through it for another ten minutes, and then finally tapped me on the shoulder and held it up with a gleeful "victory!!" smile on her face.

I nodded. "That's great, honey."

She nodded, and smiled even wider! (Alright, as much as this wedding planning thing scares me, it's super cute how excited she gets when you let her run free in wedding-planning-mode.)

"We need more books. Look for more books."

By the time we were done with the wedding aisle, our hands were full of books. Wedding planners, wedding organizers, wedding checklists, how-to guides, do-it-yourself guides, wedding-on-a-budget books (are there weddings that are not on a budget?), the works. We lugged about 20 books over to a table, bought some coffee and got to work.

But very quickly, our enthusiasm hit somewhat of a brick wall. What, for example, would you expect to find in a book like this?

a.k.a. The Pink Wedding Nightmare

(80% of books in the wedding aisle)

Pink and white. The perfect, traditional wedding - the best day "of our life". The bride and the groom, the three bridesmaids and three groomsmen, the father walking the bride down the aisle and no room for even a different religion, let alone a blend of two cultures or two brides. A super-detailed approach to a super-standard wedding. It's kind of sad, because for the first time, I felt like there was a huge club of brides, and I was left out. Yeah, I wanted to be part of the club. I wanted a section that applied to me. I didn't want to buy a book with constant reminders that my wedding didn't fit the traditional mould, or with sections that I would have to disregard (for example "The Groom Pages - make sure you tear these pages out and hand them to Your Man!"). How can 80% of books in the wedding aisle be some variation of this cookie-cutter nonsense that probably "fits" less than 30% of the brides in Philadelphia?

I'm sorry - do I sound a little bitter? Okay, okay, I'll stop.

We decided to look at something more general. A book with some basic principles, that could be applied to any wedding. Cue the Simple Stunning Wedding Organizer:

a.k.a. Weddings Made Easy - A Little Too Easy

(10% of books in the wedding aisle)

Choosing A Photographer in three steps. Creating A Menu in seven steps. Six items on the picking-a-dress list. Oh, and the "how to plan your honeymoon" checklist in the back.

Hm. In a way, this was worse than the uber-standardized super-detailed pink book. They want me to pay $32.59 for this?? Anyway, let's address the elephant in the room here - we're gay. Aren't there any gay wedding books?

a.k.a. How To Be Gay: It's Hard But Okay.

(3% of books in the wedding aisle)

Unfortunately, these books were also kind of a failure for us. They basically amounted to the following:

1. It's Okay To Be Gay: chapters devoted to convincing the reader that gay people can get married, and it does happen. I'm confused. Isn't the reader already engaged, or at the very least already interested in getting married? Why is there so much convincing?

2. Being Gay Is Tough:

- How to tell your family, and how to be okay with Aunt Sally or Uncle Jim rejecting you (I feel like this should be pretty personal and not easily explained in a how-to guide, because there are so many different kinds of families!)

- How to be okay with some vendors turning you down because you're gay (okay, I get it, it can be depressing. Any actual advice?)

- How to create your own wedding ....well, more like an affirmation that "it's okay to have a non-traditional wedding" - which is nice to hear, but not too useful.

3. Gay People Turn Out Okay: Success stories of gay people being happy that they got married.

Hm. We don't really need a counseling session on how it's okay to be gay. Can't we just find some advice on how to create things that are a little..."different"? - Cue the Do-It-Yourself books!

a.k.a. How To Have Fun And Add A Personal Touch

(7% of books in wedding aisle)

Now this was more like it! 40 fun little projects. We got so many ideas! And I started to actually get pretty pumped about the wedding. How to make a canopy, cute Save-The-Date cards, name cards for the reception, wedding favors to give the guests - really fun stuff. And, thank goodness, none of it was "traditional" persay and none of it was ridiculous. Winner!

...And we also settled on purchasing a larger version of Tasha's "Bride Book Of Lists" books - with really detailed advice on picking a photographer, venue, caterer, music, rings, hair salon, wedding dress, groom's tux (yep, that part is a little useless, but oh well! the rest is awesome!) - when to start looking, what to look out for, what questions to ask, what to consider and how to put it all together. This binder/book seems pretty perfect - for us, at least. It's a little traditional, but very flexible, and most of all, it makes it look fun without making it look crazy. Can't wait to get started!

The one we chose!