Monday, March 28, 2011

In Defense of Marriage

Posted by Tigritza

Voicemail from Tasha on Feb 23, 2011:
"Hey baby - I know you're busy at work but - um... *ahem* I've been reading the articles and thinking about...DOMA and I'm just...so so happy. *laughs* I don't know, this is like... HUGE, huge news that we've been waiting for, and... it's like the next STEP, that really needed to happen, and I know it's not completely repealed but... it IS, essentially like the next... you know? I don't know... anyway. I'm just happy. So... I love you. Talk to you soon. Bye honey."

Not to be dramatic, but I must begin by saying that February 23, 2011 started out as just an ordinary Wednesday. But then...

12:44pm: Facebook post from my friend, a paralegal in an NY law firm:
"DOMA's going down :) " and then "[link] - got a memo about it at work about half an hour ago. big news!"
My first reaction: What?! When how where REALLY are you SURE?

For those in the dark, DOMA, or the Defense of Marriage Act, is a federal law, signed into law by President Clinton on September 21, 1996. (It's worth mentioning here that Clinton has since actually been supporting its repeal.) The hotly debated Section 3 of the Act defines marriage for federal purposes as the union of only one man and one woman. In practice, this means that even if we got married in a state where same-sex marriage is legal - say, Massachusetts or Connecticut - it would mean nothing on a federal level. No federal tax benefits, no federal family or medical leave, no Social Security survivor's benefits, no federal tax-free inheritance, and no immigration rights.

So what actually happened on February 23, 2011? Was DOMA repealed? No. It's still federal law. But the Obama Administration finally declared that it would stop defending this federal law in court. The Department of Justice (DoJ) will no longer defend this law. Technically, it is the DoJ's duty to defend all currently existing federal laws if they find a rational basis to do so. So why have they stopped defending DOMA? Because the Obama Administration has found DOMA to be unconstitutional - literally, in violation of the United States constitution.

So what's next? Well, hopefully, we keep pushing through organizations like HRC and the ACLU, and through bills such as the Respect for Marriage Act and the Uniting American Families Act, and through cases brought to national attention by brave individuals like like Edie Windsor and Alcota/Ojeda, and finally bring the sucker down by April 13, 2012.

The latest on this is another hold-your-breath-this-may-be-it piece of news:
"As the fate of the Defense of Marriage Act hangs in legal limbo, immigration offices in Baltimore and Washington, D.C. have indicated that they will put [green card] applications and petitions involving married, binational same-sex couples on hold until the issue is resolved, according to The Advocate."

Active resistance against the discriminatory DOMA. Even though nothing has legally changed, it's like our whole outlook has been transformed. It's a huge sigh of relief and gratitude. The end's in sight!

(image from here)

Friday, March 25, 2011

Wet Toes

Posted by Tigritza

So, Tasha's last post (posted yesterday - "And We're Back!") wasn't the first time she'd mentioned her fear of rain and wet feet on the wedding day. I guess you could say she's kind of a rainophobe. In fact, she's been bringing this up for quite a while - ever since we first even thought about the possibility of getting married.


I did a quick search for "wet toes" in my Gmail inbox, and came upon this goofy email chain from June 2009. 2009!! That was a year and a half ago! (Just over 2 years into our relationship.) It was probably the first time we'd thought seriously about possibly getting married one day in the very distant future, and we'd brought up the idea of getting married on an April 13th (which is the day we first met in 2007, on a Friday.) Immediately following that conversation, Tasha had no doubt begun worrying about the possibility of rain. And the following string of emails ensued...enjoy!

It's funny how this random conversation of all these hypothetical issues has materialized into the same actual issues that we're legitimately worrying about now - not much has changed!

Email chain on June 24, 2009. Subject: wedding planner.

Tasha at 2:55pm:
There is a "wedding planner" tab at the weather.com site... So I looked at April 13th __ average high is 59 F and average low is 38 F... I dont want a cold weathered wedding... I want it to be 75ish!

What do you think grasshopper?

~Tasha


Tigritza at 2:59pm:
I am confused, which year did you look at? I am confused. Would we potentially be getting married in 2012? That is a Friday. 2013 is a Sunday...what did we decide???


Tasha at 3:01pm:
silly! I looked at average temp over the years!
It wont change much ... not sure what year we are getting married tiger!


T
igritza at 3:02pm:
cmon what do you mean you're not sure!! we thought about this!! Cmonnnnn

i think 2012 because:
then the people who dont care wont come = smaller wedding
venue etc will be cheaper than a weekend wedding
it's friday the 13th! = cool

on the other hand, we would have to give people lots of notice to ensure that they take a day off work :)


Tasha at 3:05pm:
baby... im not talking about the year here! hmph
Yes, I think 2012 is much better... and of course we can give good notice... we will be planning this quite a bit in advance!

But my email's purpose was to alarm you of the cold weather!

COLD is not my thing! :(

what are your thoughts about the WEATHER!?


Tigritza at 3:11pm:
I know your purpose but evidently we got sidetracked on a much more important issue.

Anyway, I am sure you looked at the weather in Rockland in 2012 (ok ok in April, whatever) and quite frankly I do not care about the weather in Rockland because we are not getting married in Rockland.

Now I know you are thinking well it's going to be cold 100 miles from Rockland too! And to that I will say well are we getting married in NY? And then you will beat me up and say YES WE ARE and I'll say okay okay then in that case don't be so close-minded!

There are outdoor heaters that work wonderfully under a canopy (they trap in the heat sooo well) and bars use them on rooftops and stuff. And worst case we could have the wedding in like a gazebo that is heated from the inside.


Now go on google and look up what is a gazebo. Then tell me what do you think? :)


Tasha at 3:21pm:
Baby... the other thing that scares me... is this: the rain... you know how depressed I get when it rains... it ruins everything... and April is the month of RAIN.
it will ruin my hair and my dress and I'll have gooosebumps... I want it to be sunny and beautiful and warm and I like the idea of the gazebo/greenhouse thing but I want it to be WARM!
I want people to wear summery stuff

Also, if we have an outdoor wedding in April, we better have the Hindu fire thing set up! ... and a Jewish Hupa!

Also, we will have to take thursday off too (to prepare).
I'm really excited about thursday night -- the night before our wedding... i can't wait!


Tigritza at 3:24pm:
hahahahhaa
oh honey
planning ahead are we!

anyway stop worrying and complaining. you want to have a wedding anniversary in hot july every year, then just say the word! hmpf.


people dont think about the weather when picking wedding clothing. plus do we really have to do the jewish hindu stuff so extremely? i think it might be overkill. lets just think of a nice classy simple way to combine them - nothing too elaborate.


also, after thursday night, i dont think you have to worry about whether or not you'll have messy hair. i guarantee you it'll look pretty kooky after i'm done with you!


Tasha at 3:31pm:
oof
I dont want a wedding in july but early june would be nice... (I do really want an April 13th wedding... but it might SNOW! I just hate the cold!)

about clothing... are you serious!? I'm thinking about clothing right now! I might have to wear leggings under my dress! Do you want an extra layer of clothing to take off when we go home for the first time (as a married couple)!?
And hindu/judaism overkill might be too much yes. ok we will plan that in more detail later... (I dont really care about the hoopa but I do want some traditional jewish dancing... where they sit us on chairs and dance circles around us as some people hold the chairs up (do you know waht i'm talking about?)

and baby, im not worried about what you will do to my hair on Thursday night because early Friday morning I'm getting my hair done! Duh! :)

I LOVE YOU!!!!


Tigritza at 3:34pm:
i am SAYING that even the hairdressers will not know what to do with such a kooky mess!


Tasha at 3:36pm:
you are a kooky mess!

and you better not make me oversleep my hair appt!


Tigritza at 3:39pm:
anyway, we are not supposed to be together on the night before the wedding. i am not supposed to see you on the wedding day until the actual wedding!!!!


Tasha at 3:40pm:
o crap

so nothing the night before?
that's awful... where will i go? wont we be living together?


Tigritza at 3:44pm:
haha you volunteered to be the one to go! Yay


Tasha at 3:45pm:
hahhahahah

I cant wait to spend the rest of my life with you


Tasha, again, at 3:53pm:
Things I'm worried about:
- picking the perfect ring
- asking your parent's permission
- RAIN
- color of our bridesmaids dresses (sari or dress? ah!)
- color scheme of the decor
- the cake melting in the rain or freezing in the snow
- what my nails will look like (french manicur... but short enough)
- open toe shoes or closed toe?
- where are we going for our honey moon -- and when? leaving that weekend? (YES)
- bachlorette parties (i dont really want one... I have no friends)
- wedding vows... I have to write something witty and lovey? not my forte

... that's a bit of a list there... maybe I should worry about getting a job first


Tigritza at 4:03pm:
Okay, here are your answers little one:
- picking the perfect ring ---- Just dont make it too simple/boring. Ask JC for confirmation when you pick one.
- asking your parent's permission ---- don't be worried. I'm worried about your parents. They will laugh or shoot me.
- RAIN ----gazebo/canopy/greenhouse! it'd be scarier if it was June because then we wouldn't plan for any shelter from cold and if it rained then we'd be all out in the open and vulnerable
- color of our bridesmaids dresses (sari or dress? ah!) ---- maybe normal dresses or some sort of fusion style that isnt too elaborate, because then the two of us stand out?
- color scheme of the decor ---- please not red-and-white. we will be red-and-white (red sari and white dress), the rest of the wedding doesnt need to be. it's ok - we have friends with fashion sense and color-scheme sense.
- the cake melting in the rain or freezing in the snow ---- i am going to HIT you
- what my nails will look like (french manicur... but short enough) ---- manicurE yes. but yes short enough. i mean let's just get straight to the point - you're not going to be fooling anyone with long nails.
- open toe shoes or closed toe? ----open. duh!
- where are we going for our honey moon -- and when? leaving that weekend? (YES) ----yes that weekend. as long as it's not some beach honeymoon i'm happy.
- bachlorette parties (i dont really want one... I have no friends) ---- YES! you have friends you dumbo. the only problem is that friends overlap. LZ can attend your party maybe, but she cannot have a starring role.
- wedding vows... I have to write something witty and lovey? not my forte ---- aw man i hate cheesy shit like personalized vows.


Tasha at 4:39pm:
My responses to your answers::
-gimme JC's phone number :)
-why are you asking my parents' permission? I'm asking yours!!!
-yes yes gazebo/canopy... then we nee extra loud microphone since the rain will be so loud ... noone will hear anything!
-color of dresses? Just had an idea when you siad "maybe a fusion style"... MAGIC DRESS!
-color scheme of decor... definitely not red and white... how about light lavendar and yellow or light green or light orange (but def lavendar cuz of the flowers!)
-the cake freezing or melting in severe weather conditions - you didn't answer my problem
-manicurE - fine, problem solved
-open toe shoes.... what if my toes get wet - you know how I hate that...
-honeymoon gettaway - to be planned
-bachlorette parties... I dont know about this! I'll have MH plan mine! :) And CS!!!
-wedding vows- are you saying we wont have wedding vows? How will we say the I do part?
hmph


Tigritza at 4:46pm:
my comebacks to your responses:

-You want JC’s number? you're buying the ring NOW???
-well dont i have to ask your parents something or somebody has to run it by them at least!
-there is NOT going to be loud rain i mean for heavens sake for the LAST TIME enUFFF about this RAIN!
-color of dresses? ok but we'd have to really pin those magic dresses on good because i dont want one of them coming loose and stealing my thunder or getting my wife excited!
-yea maybe lavenDER would be nice...hmmm lets talk about it later not now i dont want to.
-ONCE AGAIN THERE IS NO MELTING OR FREEZING CAKE goodness enough about this nonsense! it will be the cake caterers job to protect the cake at all times and anticipate any conditions that might ruin the cake, that is what we are paying them for, if i wanted my wife to worry about that i would just pay her instead HMPF
-manicurE -okay then if the problem is solved WHY IS THIS STILL ON THE LIST
-if your toes get wet POOP on that! you will dress for the wedding pictures not for the weather! and enUP about this raiN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-honeymoon gettaway - yes the getaway must be planned *finger on nose* NOT ME!
-bachlorette parties... FUN! :)
-How will we say the I do part? ---- like this: "I DO. hmpf!"


Tasha at 4:56pm:
I have tears dripping down my face from all the laughing!!!!
my goodness... how do you keep a straight face at work? aren't you suppposed to be pretending to be busy?

double comebacks:


-Just gimme JC's number NOW!
-something has to run it by them!? what will that something be? o boy, another problem... but I believe the original one was how the hell will I ask your parents! (STILL WORRIED)
-no rain? Are you sure!? Are we still having a wedding in April because April is nick-named "the shower month" (and not cuz everyone showers, but because it RAINS!)
-yes pin it on good (what color tho!?) -- it's pretty hard to find a pretty magic dress!
-ok lets not talk about the lavenDER and color scheming
-so now I'm gettting money to worry about the cake? I'm confuzed... I dont want to be responsible! And how much are you insuring the cake for?
-manicurE - take this off the list... the problem is solved!
-I am not dressing for the pictures! I'm dressing for the event... maybe I should buy two pairs of shoes -- one for the rain and one for the sunshine? .... oh and what about snow?
-honeymoon gettaway NOT FAIR! We are planning this together! HMPH
-bachlorette parties... yes fun ok pine
-Tigritza, if you say "I DO HMPHFFF" on our wedding day, I am throwing my wet shoes in your face! You better take that hmphhhfff out of there! HMPH!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

And we're back!

Posted by Tasha

Tigritza and I just got back from a close friend's wedding in England. And before that we had a short vacation in the Bahamas and between all this school work and 'real' work has been keeping us busy enough to not do any wedding planning. On a brighter note, in England, two nights before our friend's wedding, we went to a proper British pub. The combination of the alcohol and the excitement for G and P's wedding got us very excited and talking about our own wedding. Pictures in our mind are coming together to make the most beautiful and unconventional wedding yet. We are planning a big party. We even have some color ideas brewing... thinking about some bright orange and yellows. Fun fact: searching for "orange umbrella" on ebay alone returns with 199 results! Of course I look up umbrellas as I'm afraid of the rain for our April wedding! (Kenzie-editedblog-337.jpg) ... I'm convincing myself rain won't be so bad

(Image from here)

Because time has been a limited commodity, we haven't documented some important events. Most importantly, President Obama has made a historic declaration: The Department of Justice should no longer defend DOMA in further cases as it is unconstitutional. I think Tigritza will explain this further in the next post. To say we are extremely happy about this still seems like an understatement.

On our flight back from England, Tigritza and I stood in the same immigration line for non-US citizens although we typically separate and I zoom through immigration along with other US citizens. It is silly of course that we never stood in the same line but the fact that we were allowed to do that hadn't even crossed my mind. It was like a small revolution in my mind - our kids will never be separated from either of us in those lines.

Anyway, we're back and ready to start seriously looking for venues!