Friday, December 2, 2011

Table Decor and Names

Posted by Tasha

We're closing in on almost 4 months now and we're still trying to figure out table names (read: we need your help yet again!) Last week before Thanksgiving, Tigritza and I met with our wedding coordinator at our venue and were able to see a sample dinner table set with our chosen plates and utensils and glasses and bowls and chairs, etc!!! It really made it come alive. We decided on table size - seating 8 per table since it is family style dining and it will be cozy and easier to pass food. We also chose our serving dishes and estimated how everything would fit on the tables - we left some room for the centerpieces!
Below are some photos of what the tables will look like - without one element: instead of off-white tablecloths, we'll put red, orange, and yellow patterned saris on the tables to add color! It will make the white plates pop and look fantastic!




And, we also set up the head table. It is seriously the coolest table ever! It's called the "serpentine" and actually it's 3 tables put together - at the head table Tigritza and I will be in the middle surrounded by family - 4 on each side. Meeting with Hannah, our coordinator, gave us so much energy and made me personally jump around like a little animal - saying I was excited was just not enough! I was skipping around the venue and sitting at the head table - where I will be sitting in just over 4 months with my wife.

Check out the photo -


So now, you can picture this, right? Here's were we need your help: Table Names. (Instead of Table Numbers - "you're at table number 8" we wanted to give name each table, under a particular theme. The question is, what's the theme?)
At first I really liked the idea of languages: naming each table after a language... and we listed about 10 that represented places we lived in or had a significant relationship to,  but the idea now doesn't seem as awesome as when I originally thought of it.
Plus, since we're now only seating 8 people per table, we now have 14 tables and need at least that many names. Of course, we can go simple and just number them. Or, we can do cities we lived in or visited, but that's been done before by others members of our family, so we want to change it up... We don't have a wedding 'theme' aside from glass bottles (vodka bottles as you see from the post below and the wine corks as place cards... and, little glass bottles that the flowers will be in) but we're not really vodka or wine buffs so having names of alcohol doesn't seem to fit. What do you think?

Also, keep in mind we want something that can run through the theme of the wedding  - and since we were playing with the idea of having a typewriter as a guestbook, we can do typewriter theme (but we haven't completely settled on that yet)...  Thoughts? For a guestbook and table names and a general theme that you think will go with our bright (red, orange, yellow) wedding?

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Place Cards - how to find your table

Posted by Tigritza

SO - I wanted to couch this in another post, but am pretty excited about this little project. Tasha's dad, a true Russian, makes wine and vodka at home. That's right - HOMEMADE VODKA. It's delicious, and for the wedding he's agreed to make some classic Russian 'Horseradish Vodka.' I know what you're thinking - HOW am I going to drink that? Trust me, it goes down pretty smoothly. And, as it turns out, it adds a really nice personal touch to the wedding.

You know how at weddings you need to have a table that has everyone's name on it, and their table number? So that they can figure out where they're going to sit? Well, we're going to make it a table of little bottles, one for each guest.

Each bottle will:
- be filled with homemade vodka, and have a handwritten label on it (handwritten by yours truly... this should be a fun project)
- be sealed with a CORK (fun!!).
- have a little coloured tag on the neck, tied to the bottle with a piece of twine, saying the guest's name and table. Again, probably handwritten by yours truly.

We attempted to 'design' the label yesterday (below) - probably needs way less text. I'm excited to see what it looks like with the cork and the twine-tied-tag around the neck!

Then, on the TABLES themselves, place cards (also handwritten) will be at each seat with the name of the guest. We're going to make cork place card holders like so:
(Picture taken from here)

So if you live in Philly, please start saving your BYOB corks for us!!

Lots of love, and Happy Thanksgiving!

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Save The Date!

Posted by Tigritza

...By now, you've all hopefully received the save-the-dates! So, we're safe to finally post about them. This was, by far, the most exciting wedding project so far! And certainly the most time-intensive. We started off with a noble idea: Let's hand-make the save-the-dates to save money. What ended up happenning? It was just as expensive as it would have been to print fancy custom save-the-dates in the store...but they're cute as hell and we love them!

First, we got the idea from a DIY book. I can't find the exact project online, but it looked something like this.

So if you took a look at the link above, you'll see there were a lot of moving parts here. First, the front and the back of the card. We opened a Powerpoint file and set to work - using our theme colors (red, orange, yellow), we came up with a design that was simple and, we thought, fun. We tried the printer at home, but lesson learned: if your printer came free with your computer purchase, it's probably not a very good printer. So Tasha spent hours searching our neighborhood for the cheapest printing shop that could do our job! We finally found it: Taws was fantastic! They worked with us to get the right paper and negotiate a price for printing AND cutting the rectangular front and back of the card! Score.

Next, the wheel - how were we going to do this? Tasha (she is awesome isn't she) found a cheap circle-cutter online, and used it to cut wheels out of the same paper we used for the card front and back. It was a ton of work, and turns out it's actually really hard to get the wheel perfectly cut (to get your starting cut to meet your ending cut, resulting in a perfect circle). Picture below. We also bought tiny little gold brads to hold the wheel to the front rectangle of the card.

We also had to use the circle cutter to cut a hole in the front of the card, to create a window through which you could see the images on the wheel! DISASTER. We lost about 10% of our cards this way...it is VERY hard to cut a small circle with this circle cutter. Oh well - Taws was nice enough to print a few extra for us (wisely anticipating such disasters) so we literally ended up with JUST the right amount of printed cards with useable circle-windows!

Next, the circular pictures: when someone turns the wheel, and looks through the circular window, what pictures do they see? After looking through lots of wedding sites online, we loved the idea of using the words "She Said Yes!" ...especially since there are two of us, both "she". We also were really excited about our date, Friday April 13th 2012... especially since the last Friday April 13th was in 2007, the day we met! So, we came up with two awesome little "logos" - on Powerpoint again, of course. We wanted the "She Said Yes" to look a little old-school, and the "Friday April 13th" to look a little quirky. And this is how they turned out! (I knew all those years making PPT decks as a consultant would pay off one day!)

So, those would be two of the pictures on our wheel! But what about the other two? We wanted pictures of us. So one cool Saturday September morning, before catching a bolt-bus to New York to see Tasha's parents, we took my camera, a tripod and ourselves down to Rittenhouse square. I set up the tripod and put Tasha in front of it, and took a light-test shot. Wow. The light was perfect, and Tasha looked phenomenal. So that was it! We had an absolute blast. We used the self-timer and just took a bunch of shots. A lot of them were really funny, with Tasha laughing or giggling with that giant smile of hers. We processed them later that night, and picked the top two! (Another 3 of the photos went on an awesome magnet we made to accompany the Save-The-Date (also made in Powerpoint, and also printed at Taws).... but unfortunately there's absolutely no way to display that here on the blog anonymously, since our faces are all over it!)

Taws was able to print our circles on huge pieces of sticker paper. Tasha had bought a circle punch of the perfect size online, so I cut the stickers into strips...


and set to work punching them out one by one! Over 300 punches in total. Each punch required aligning the circle perfectly in the 1.25-inch circle punch, slipping a piece of foil under it (apparently this helps smooth the cut) and applying herculean force onto it to snap the circle out perfectly. My PALMS were bruised by the end of the day... so much so that holding onto the banister of our staircase hurt! Below is a pic of me working the circle punch on our coffee table.

...So, I wasn't the only one hurting. Turns out, Mr. Circle Punch wasn't too happy either. He decided to break down halfway through our operation. We called a bunch of craft stores in Philly, found one 10 miles away that carried the right size, and I biked all the way over there...only to be told they were mistaken, they didn't have the right size. So I biked all the way back home, near tears and extremely dejected, and we decided we had to make it work. Using masking tape, we assembled and stuck the punch back together and pushed on. We had to change the masking tape every 20 punches or so, but we finally got through it all! Et Voila - the bowls of circles finally added up!

And finally: Putting it all together. With double-sided tape from PaperSource (an incredible crafts store where we found a bunch of our supplies!) Tasha stuck the front and back of the card together after attaching the wheel. Then, exhausted, we created an assembly line: Tasha peeled off each sticker and I went through sticking them on the wheel of each card. DONE! Below are four shots, showing each of the four stickers in the 'window' as the wheel is turned. (Our names have been hidden, sorry!) You can click on the photo to magnify.

She Said Yes!

Yep, the last line is my favorite part...

Friday The 13th

Last photo -

THE BEST PART: Mailing them. Seriously. We bought Persimmon-colored envelopes from PaperSource, and printed each address individually using our printer at home. We were so psyched to see how far the Save-The-Dates were travelling. They went out to 38 cities: in the United States, South Africa, Russia, India, United Kingdom, United Arab Emirates, Israel, Brazil, China, and Canada.
(My favorite was the Russian one, which actually had to be typed out in Russian. класс!)
So - THANK YOU for being so cool and living in so many places!!
[Again, sorry for the censoring but we had to do it. Click on the photo to enlarge - ]


...On a Saturday evening, we took our big bag of Save-The-Dates and dumped them in a mailbox on 19th and Chestnut. It was...strange.
Me: "Is it safe to just leave them here? What if someone breaks in?"
Tasha: "Breaks into a mailbox...and steals our save-the-dates. Really??"
Me: "It's starting to rain. Are mailboxes waterproof?! What if they get ruined???"
Tasha: "Let's go home." She took me by the hand and dragged me back to our apartment, stopping to buy me a Twix ice cream bar on the way. Yep, she's that good.

Save-The-Dates: check!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Red-Orange-Yellow what?

Posted by Tigritza

Dear readers, WE NEED YOUR HELP!

We've been putting this decision off for long enough, and now, we finally have to set it in stone: COLORS. Specifically, colors of best-people outfits. You may recall us mentioning that way back when, at a bar by the river in Bristol, after a few (too many?) glasses of wine, Tasha and I were finally able to 'envision' our wedding: the ceremony, the seating, the fabrics, and the colors! ...Well, the truth is that being able to 'envision' something, i.e. to conjure up a blurry image in the back of your mind, is not at all the same as being able to literally pick patterns out of a catalogue.

Since our wedding's a mixture of Russian and Indian, involving elements of Hindu and Jewish culture, we wanted to reflect that wonderful blend in our color scheme. Rather than going with more traditional wedding colors - like purple or blue - we wanted fiery colors. Fiery! Yep - we pictured oranges, reds, and yellows. Bright happy colors that celebrate rather than calmly state our wedding. After all, a wedding is a party. And we're all still young!

While it's easier to incorporate that color scheme into flowers, decor, etc, we've found that it's pretty hard to translate it into clothing, i.e. Best People Attire, without making everyone look a little too, well, orange!

For the 'best people' wearing dresses, Tasha found this beautiful 'convertible' dress that seems to be pretty popular! We didn't want to necessarily force everyone to wear the same dress, but we wanted some sort of continuity. So the convertible dress (below, image from Two Birds) is the best of both worlds - the best people will get to decide how to wear the dress (there are literally dozens of different ways to wear this single garment!) so reflect their own style and what they feel most comfortable with! All dresses would go till just below the knee, but the top half is totally customizable based on how each person wants to tie it. What do you think?


Now, what about colors? Tasha emailed ten different sellers on Etsy.com, but as it turns out, most sellers just don't have colors that appeal to us and can match our style. However, one seller had some great colors that were orange/red/yellow, but not too orange, and had some beautiful patterns. Below is a picture of her fabrics:


The patterns seem pretty casual, which matches the style of the convertible dress. So - what color do we pick? This is where we really need your help. Our favorite is the one on the far left: orange with patterns and not as overwhelming as just a flat orange. I actually think it's pretty beautiful in its own way. SO:
- do we pick just that one pattern and have everyone wear it?
- do we pick a whole bunch of different patterns (all three above, plus one more) and allow best people to pick their favorite and mix it up? This could be pretty cool, but will this look way too crazy and wildly inconsistent and distracting? Or will it just look cute and unique? Remember, next to the best people, I will be wearing a red-and-gold sari, and Tasha a white wedding dress.
- do we pick one color for the "best woman" (equivalent of maid-of-honor), and another color for the rest of the 'best people'? This would make her stand out, but I don't like making it seem like she's so much more special than the rest of our friends and family. Yes, she'd be the one that most impacted and built our relationship, but everyone up there with us (and the rest of the guests!) are important to us in very different and symbolic ways.

Once we've figured that out, we also need to think about the best people who will be wearing pants/suits. Our initial vision was that it would be pretty cool to have the best-people-pants-wearers (sorry but no gender discrimination here!) on Tasha's side wear Indian clothing, and the ones on my side wear Western clothing, all within the same color scheme. Specifically, we really wanted Tasha's older brother to wear Indian clothes :) Below is an outfit we bought for him in India! (The picture is of someone else trying it on.)


But then, what color could the rest of the pants-wearers wear? An orange suit seems kind of, well, ridiculous! What about a light beige suit with an orange-themed tie? (I've really never ever liked beige though...) Or just a vest + trousers + brightly-colored tie?

HELP US!

Lots of love,

Tigritza (& Tasha)

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

"Workflowy that sh*t!"

Posted by Tigritza

At long last, we're finally back online! I know, this blog is horribly in need of an update. To put it blunty: since our last update, our world has turned upside down, inside out and finally back on track again, albeit still a little wobbly. Business school and Nursing school keep us incredibly busy - we often leave the house at 8am and return anywhere between 7 - 9 pm, with a list of school-related things that still need to get done that night, or a party (read: 'networking event') that we "have" to go to. And as the second quarter kicks off in late October and recruiters swarm onto campus, the pressure will be on and it's only going to get busier.

After realizing that wedding planning IS as crazy as they say it is, especially when we're doing it all by ourselves (I should be able to list this on my resume!) we've started using Workflowy to keep track of our "list of wedding-related things to do". Workflowy is a really simple but great little tool to keep track of all the little things you need to do in life. And at this point, we can't live without it! Anything and everything we need to do goes on Workflowy.


A lot has happened, and we don't want to brush over all the small but significant milestones. They each deserve their own post, and hopefully the big ones will get their own posts...

...but to give you an idea, here's what we knocked off the Workflowy list for September:

- Make Save-The-Dates and magnets, and mail them out! We'll do a blog post about this, it was definitely an adventure in itself.
- Sign contract with Photographer - we're SO excited about this incredible duo!
- Finalize/buy Tasha's wedding dress
- Buy little bottles for Tasha's dad's homemade vodka (NOW you're excited, aren't you?)
- Find Russian restaurant (FINALLY!)
- Meet with florists
- Meet with DJs
- Meet with an officiant

Things we're working on now, and are on the Workflowy docket for October:

- Connect with the new wedding venue directors (our old one, who we absolutely loved, was unexpectedly let go, and we have to start planning with the venue from scratch. Here's where our world turned upside down.)
- Finalize Indian food
- Connect Russian/Indian restaurants with venue chef to coordinate logistics
- Get wedding veil, jewelry and shoes for Tasha
- Get shoes for Tigritza
- Keep working with random designer/entrepreneur for best-people clothing (this is a surprise, so we've gotta be vague!)
- Finalize flower lady (i.e. florist)
- Finalize music dude (i.e. DJ)
- Finalize officiant (excited about this one!)
- Create invitation design and get price estimates (urg, it's like save-the-dates all over again!)
- Look at registries (Tasha, this is non-urgent. How did it get on the list for October?)
- Call Little King, the incredible little jewelry shop in NY who made our engagement rings, to design some awesome/innovative wedding bands!
- Look into making deals with hotels for guests, who are already asking about where to stay
- Look up how to make a chuppah and send design to Tasha's dad, who is building it for us
- Interview Penn Orchestra students to play the violin for us during ceremony. Yay for cheap high-quality student labor!
- DECIDE once and for all: Typewriter Guest Book or No Typewriter Guest Book?
- Get a bajillion used wine bottle corks for name card stands

- Write AT LEAST ONE blog post


Well, at least I crossed one thing off the list :) Here's to the next 12 days of October! Full speed ahead...

I can't wait to marry her.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Tasha's Wedding Dress Adventure

Posted by Tasha

Well, it sure has been an adventure, this dress hunt! Actually, I have been dreading shopping for a wedding dress. Sounds nuts, I know, but I don't like shopping in general and I've looked at hundreds of white wedding dress photos and nothing popped out to me. Nothing even mildly excited me! So there was only one thing left to do: I grabbed my two most hyper and excited friends and hoped their excitement was contagious. Oh, was it ever! I had the best time! My two giddy girls and I had a blast! Everything looks so much better on than in photos and it feels so good on! I was told to pick out a few (10+) dresses and the lady in the store lead us to a huge fitting room and helped me put on each dress and then used clamps to make it very tight (so any size you try on fits almost like a glove with those clamps!) Having a dress on feels like a wonderful giant hug! And in order to put the dress on, the store lady holds it out and says "dive in!" - My hands above my head, my body at a 45 degree again and swoosh, I dive into layers of fabric. Each time I emerge, I'm surprised by how it looks! After day one of the dress hunt, I realized this wasn't so bad. I made a few more appointments and engaged another one of my closest friends. My friends made my wedding dress search so much more fun than I ever imagined! They each possessed a combination of some great characteristics, creating the perfect mix of giddiness, excitement, hyperactivity, honesty, bluntness, and a touch of the type of delusion that comes after working a 12 hour night shift on cold medicine (that still does not suppress a cough - go get a chest xray C!). Anyway, it was incredible!

After about 8 or 9 dress shops over a span of one month search, I returned to the first shop with my parents and tried on 2 dresses (each one 3 times). My biggest dilemma in all the stores I visited, was figuring out if I preferred a lace dress or a (for a lack of a better descriptor) non-lace dress. My top choices were always one lace and one non-lace. Deciding between apples and oranges is much harder than apples and apples... hence the need to try on the final two dresses 3 times each. Can't give too many details ... hoping to preserve some element of surprise for Tigritza, but the lace dress was actually a mermaid cut (which I was adamantly against until I tried it on) and the not-lace was a mix between ball-gown and A-line... whatever that means. And it was impossible to decide, until of course, I decided... on not-lace.

Both were phenomenal but ultimately, I had to actually picture it on the big day - so I had to picture what would feel best next to Tigritza and in photos, and eventually (with the help of my parents and the constant reminding of the first two giddy girls which was their favorite...) I picked one! So, another task to cross off the list: I have a wedding dress!

Now... on to the shoes, and jewelry, and thinking about the hair...

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Our 4th of July - The Red and The Gold

Posted by Tasha

Only a month left to our engagement half way mark... 220 days have elapsed since she said "yes" and only 278 days until she says "I do" Ah! This is where the planning gets serious!

Our biggest accomplishment in these 220 days has been finalizing our venue... drum roll... the art gallery! It was the first of the two options we described and we could not have made this decision without your input! Thank you!!! We talked to the Managing Director of the venue, CT, and he is exactly the person we need to refocus us into the planning path! He told us our priorities now are food and photographers before everyone gets booked!

We discussed our options for food in a million different ways and maybe that warrants its own post (stay tuned); yet we still have not come to any conclusions there. In fact we talked about almost every aspect of the wedding day and suggested a dozen options for every element of the day, and again few conclusions are set. But hey, we have another 278 days to really get things straight (or gay).

Besides the venue, we have only one other thing finalized (as of yesterday). Tigritza and I are in India spending some time with her family - the perfect opportunity to get all the Indian trimmings! Last night we spent a few hours in the gold district of Kolkata and finally found THE wedding jewelry for my bride! After rejecting hundreds of gold necklaces of different styles, shapes, designs, and patterns, we came to a very unusual necklace with some fiery colors. This was it. In good Tigritza-Tasha custom, we kept it aside and continued to look until we knew nothing compared. It is delicate and grand and intricate and asymmetrical (like Tigritza's ring) and it's the wedding jewelry! With the necklace we got earrings which perfectly match and we got a tikka (or what I called a tickleee - which is a gold chain with a pendant at the end worn parting the hair in the middle with the pendant at the top of the forehead). Next she had to finalize her sari!

Before I arrived in India, Tigritza and her parents went sari shopping and found two beautiful bridal saris (in two different stores, one in Kolkata and one in Mumbai) after hours and even days of searching through red saris. And since they couldn't decide which of the two was right, they got both! After coming home last night from the jewelry adventure, Tigritza had to make a very exciting choice! She tried on each sari with the jewelry and had her parents and I pick the best one. I was very hesitant seeing her in the wedding get-up, but she assured me that she wouldn't get completely dressed - she still doesn't have the blouse-piece made (the little shirt worn under the 9 yards of sari material) and the pleats (or folds) wouldn't be done perfectly, etc. Regardless, she put on option A, the Mumbai sari, and it was beautiful - rich red with a uniform gold pattern and very thick gold pallu (the end piece that hangs over the shoulder). Then option B. The Kolkata sari. It was breathtaking. Bright red sari, swirls of gold all over, pleats covered in a different - more concentrated pattern of gold, pallu delicately sprinkled with gold. Absolutely majestic. I jumped up and ran away! Tigritza's Dad said "What's wrong!?" And all I could say was "That's my bride, wearing her bridal sari! I can't keep looking at her! This is it!!!" And after a big hug from Papa I ran to another room while the aaahhhs and ooohhhs continued.

So there you have it. Tigritza covered in red and gold. No photos since I'd be looking at them all day and that's no good. Tomorrow we'll go shopping for some little random Indian decorative things that might be nice for the wedding!

As always... more to come!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

The Best People

Posted by Tigritza

At a Saturday wedding reception in Bristol, England in March this year, a young English chap and I privately made a toast to each other: the best man and the maid of honor. "To the...Best People!" I said as our glasses clinked, after a smooth and perfectly executed marriage ceremony (whew).

What made the two of us so special? Not much. True, he wore an impressive three-piece country-style suit that almost perfectly matched the groom's. And I wore the same purple dress as the other three bridesmaids, but was allowed to distinguish myself with white shoes instead of black. He'd been responsible for carrying the wedding rings safely until the final moment, and for making one of those funny-but-charming toasts at the reception. I'd been responsible for running around to get last-minute chores done with the bride in the days leading up to the wedding, and for reading one of those touches-your-heart-and-makes-you-cry poems out loud at the ceremony. But really, we were just the bride and groom's best friends. He'd known the groom for years, and I'd grown up with the bride.

It's not just the best man and the maid of honor. A traditional Western wedding will also include bridesmaids and groomsdudes (as my sister calls them) in the 'best people' wedding party. And as much as Tasha and I consider our wedding to be 'unconventional' in some senses, we know we want a wedding party - a group of people who stand with us as we promise each other the rest of our lives. Unfortunately, as soon as one starts planning a wedding, it's impossible to avoid the question - who will the 'best people' be? And which two will be 'more important' than anyone else? I'll admit it, I've been guilty of it myself. One of my best friends, Belle, just got engaged - and we've already brought up the maid-of-honor issue in our little group of close friends (albeit in jest).

(image from here)

Tasha and I are fortunate enough to have a plethora of people that we consider close friends (all of you reading this, we're talking about you!). We've each grown up in many different locations, and have had to form a new circle of friends in each one. As a result, we have many important people in our lives. So how can we justify the pressure to pick just two - or even just eight - to stand with us on the big day?

I've heard of many different choosing 'algorithms'. Choose your family: sibling, or cousin, or even parent. Choose your high school best friend, or your college best friend, or your current best friend. Choose the person you've known longest. Choose the person you grew up with. Choose the person who introduced you both, because they're responsible for your relationship. Choose your closest friend who lives next to you, so they can help plan the wedding with you. Choose your ex, because they had the good sense to break up with you (just kidding about that last one).

We decided to condense all that into one simple question: for each of us, who was the person who most supported us - and basically built our relationship with us? Someone without whom, truthfully, we may not have ended up here together? Who was the person who was there from the beginning, heard our "oh-my-god-I-met-someone!!" story the night after we first met at Penn, counseled us during every fight, celebrated every anniversary, gave us peace of mind when we couldn't stand each other, and inspired us to be better, to be braver, to try harder, and to love stronger? Who made that kind of impact on the couple we are today? Basically, who took us both, together, from zero to this altar?

Maybe if we each answered that question, we'd get the first two people in the wedding party. The ones who hold the rings or take the flowers or read the poem. But overall, who would be in the larger wedding party?

(1.) Of course, some of the first people that come to mind are high school best friends: from the pre-Tasha era. When I talk about "growing up" with someone, this is who I mean. Sure, maybe they didn't know me when I was 6 or 7. But they knew me best when I was 12 - 18. When I went from being a little girl with schoolboy crushes and secret notes to being a woman with dreams and a college acceptance letter. Yep, they even saw me through that awkward adolescent stage (*shudder*). My best friend from my time in Oman (age 12-16) was the bride at the Bristol wedding I mentioned. My best friends from my time in Dubai (16-18) have also had a huge impact on every aspect of my life. These are still the first people I rush to share good news with. Tasha has at least two best friends that fall into this category too.

(2.) And then, there are newer friends. The after-we-met people, who met us as a couple (or barely before), and never knew Tasha or me without each other. Sure, maybe you could call them late-to-the-party, but maybe they're no less significant ...and besides, everyone we meet for the rest of our lives will hopefully fall into this category. So yes, we've met some lifelong friends who happened to be late-to-the-party.

(3.) And most importantly, there is family. Tasha and I both have siblings. I have an incredible sister - a role model in almost every way - who had her own wedding in 2009. Tasha has a wonderful brother - nine years her senior, and so cool that I'd consider marrying him if Tasha weren't around (just kidding Tasha). They transcend time periods: pre-Tasha, post-Tasha, during-Tasha ...we haven't even known a time without them.


Can't we have them all? Well, not unless we plan on making half the room stand up with us. So maybe in addition to the first two, Tasha and I should each symbolically stand with one person from each time period, to represent the different stages of our lives: (1) Older, (2) Newer and (3) Always?

But that means - do I just get to pick one high school friend? They're all still in my life - 'high school friend' is a misnomer. And just one post-Tasha friend? What about the others who were no less important? Not to mention gender - how do outfits work? Do we have an even number of guys and girls (or would that be both hypocritical and unfair)?

This much we know: at the end of the day, we know it doesn't matter. After all, a wedding is just a party - whoever the so-called Best People end up being, it couldn't possibly diminish the significance of all our relationships, whether or not they're standing up with us for half an hour. Maybe we should just throw all the names from (1) and (2) into a hat and leave it to chance!

Monday, May 2, 2011

Where To Marry Me: The Search

Posted by Tigritza

It's been a couple of weeks since our last post, but rest assured, we've been busy. We've been travelling south every weekend for the last month - April 9/10 was apartment hunting, April 15/16 was wedding venue hunting, April 22/23 was a chill (literally) beach weekend at a friend's place south of Philly, and April 30/May 1 was more wedding venue hunting.

More on the apartment later (yes, we found one!) - this post is about wedding venues. We saw a total of six places, and while that may not seem like a lot, we feel like we've done a pretty exhaustive search! It started with online research, dozens of places. Tasha had to force me to sit down with her and look at scores of photographs of brides and grooms in traditional (boring?) poses in the same color themes, the same choreographed poses and what looked like the same physical setup in each venue. We finally narrowed down the search, and Tasha called each place to make appointments and gauge gay-friendliness (we've heard horror stories of signed contracts being cancelled when the venue hosts realized it was a same-sex couple). I'd been the apartment-hunting appointment-maker, so Tasha took over the wedding-venue-hunting.

Through our search, we realized we were looking for a few things:
- A decent price (prices ranged from $2,600 to $14,000 for 5 hours of wedding time! Ridiculous!)
- Natural light: our original plan had been an outdoor wedding, but given that April weather is so unpredictable, a tented or indoor wedding seems like the only option. Still, the idea of an outdoor space is important to us.
- Fire-friendliness: we want to incorporate some sort of little fire, to address the Hindu tradition
- Gay-friendliness: as I mentioned above
- And finally, Circular-Seating-friendliness!

...That last one is a big one, and rules out many 'standard' wedding venue setups. One evening in England last month, at a bar by the river in Bristol, as we pondered questions like "who walks down the aisle first?" we suddenly realized: why is there only one aisle? And why are we getting married at the front of the room? Why can't there be two aisles, leading to the center of the room, with the guests seated in a circular fashion around the chuppah? (Yes, we will also have some sort of indian-ized colorful huppah) As soon as that circular idea was born, all kinds of images started coming into our minds - everything started falling in place, at least in our heads. We saw the setup, the colors, the ceremony, the fabric... Tasha became crazy-excited that I was getting excited, and we had too many glasses of wine and breathed a sigh of relief. It felt good to finally know, even in the slightest, what we wanted.

So - what venues? Of the four we rejected, some were hit-or-miss and some were absolute-miss, but we finally settled on two we loved:

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First, the first venue we saw! In Olde City Philadelphia (gorgeous area, with cobblestone and old buildings all around), was this venue:

(Note: all images from here and here)

The space is an art gallery, and is composed of two levels. The bottom level is where the ceremony, cocktails and post-dinner dancing will be held. Our favorite thing about this space is that with the amount of light streaming through the windows and the incredible talent of the staff, it can be utterly transformed into anything! We saw pictures of Hindu ceremonies, Jewish ceremonies, Christian ceremonies, social events, benefits, and more. Here are some images -

The venue has worked with all kinds of Ceremonies -

The same downstairs space can be completely transformed for Post-Dinner Dancing .
The images below may not be from weddings, but they give you an idea...

As you can see, the upstairs floor directly overlooks the lower floor through this sort of circular balcony in the middle, making everything a lot more intimate and unified. Dinner will be held upstairs -

We LOVE that it's naturally circular. That it's intimate, and that no one section is closed off. That it's full of light (the upper floor actually has an entire wall of windows). And most importantly, we love the staff! We know they could create an incredible wedding for us.

BUT, one downside is that it's an art gallery:
So, we have no control over what exhibit is up. We've been told we can take down 2-3 pieces if we find them offensive or awkward, but we can't take down an entire exhibit. Our hope is that in photos and in the hype of the whole party, the art pieces will sort of blend into the background...

Also, there are still some kinks to be worked out - for example, since dinner and post-dinner dancing are on different floors, we need to be sure that we set up tables on the lower floor so some guests can sit if they don't feel like dancing. The worst case scenario would be a split, where half the guests stay upstairs and only half come down and dance.

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The second finalist here is... *drumroll* ...the Franklin Institute!

(Note: all images from here and here)


For those of you unfamiliar with Philly, the Franklin Institute is a science museum in a really old building. So, it has lots of really beautiful and really science-y rooms to choose from!

There are two good possibilities for the Ceremony location: one is the roof (but again, since April weather is so unpredictable, this may not be a good idea)

But the other, more interesting choice is... the Planetarium!! Yes, believe it or not, they hold ceremonies here. The planetarium screens are in the form of a giant demi-sphere, and are entirely customizable, so we could choose an amber starfield, a full moon, or even a slow rising and setting sun for the duration of the ceremony - any colors, any images... and some of the pictures we saw on the tour (which unfortunately I don't have here) are beautiful! Plus, the planetarium is definitely circular!
As cool as a Planetarium wedding sounds (and believe me, I'm crazy about astronomy so that sounds super cool to me), our main worry is darkness and the enclosed space. The ceremony is supposed to be beautiful and free in our minds, and trapping it in a dark planetarium just doesn't seem right. Even if we choose a sunrise/sunset... it just seems too... artificially bright, you know? What do you guys think?

Cocktails would be in one of the science display rooms - a very fun and classier one is the Electricity room, where all the displays are interactive and could make for a very fun, non-awkward, sparkly cocktail hour (definitely tops the other venue in this respect...)

...And then dinner and dancing (both in the same room! solves the previous venue's problem, yay!) would be in Franklin Hall - a majestic space with a giant statue of Ben Franklin! It has a huge dome, with incredible light and sound displays. The hall can be absolutely transformed into any color - starry or cloudy skies, amber or red or green or orange or blue lighting, whatever - imagine, for example, the lighting changing to starry blue skies for the first dance, and then back to amber for the party. We were blown away by the display.
The biggest problem with this venue is that there are so many different rooms! It is a huge museum, and guests would have to be herded from room to room - hopefully without losing a grandmother or a 4-yr-old taking a wrong turn down some random corridor. It feels less intimate...and again, we're torn in two directions about the coolness-but-darkness of the planetarium ceremony. It is a huge space though, and the lighting is incredible.
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So there you have it. Our top two candidates. Which would you choose?
(Note: Price is pretty much the same for both venues.)

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Happy 4 Year Anniversary ... Happy -1 Year Anniversary!

Posted by Tasha

On this day four years ago, on Friday April 13, 2007, I met Tigritza.

On this day in one year, on Friday April 13, 2012, I will marry Tigritza.

It's our last anniversary as an unwed couple and we are so incredibly excited. This past weekend we signed a lease for our new apartment in Philly! It's a gorgeous loft with the biggest kitchen I've ever seen! And this coming weekend we have our first appointment with a wedding venue (that's available on our date, lets in outside catering, allows small Hindu open flame ceremony, fits in our budget, perfect location, and loves the gays)! We are well on our way!

I was thinking about our 4 years together and the most reassuring thought that comes to mind is how our relationship was not always easy and beautiful. We struggled together, we grew and learned with and from each other, and ultimately I feel confident that together we can take on life better as a unit than individually. I'm not nervous or unsure about this at all and I feel so calm about what some call the "most important choice". Not only are we in love but we are just right for each other's quirks. We will support one another and always stand behind the other. We are a team.

Thinking about our relationship on our anniversary is such a celebration. We are so lucky.

Monday, March 28, 2011

In Defense of Marriage

Posted by Tigritza

Voicemail from Tasha on Feb 23, 2011:
"Hey baby - I know you're busy at work but - um... *ahem* I've been reading the articles and thinking about...DOMA and I'm just...so so happy. *laughs* I don't know, this is like... HUGE, huge news that we've been waiting for, and... it's like the next STEP, that really needed to happen, and I know it's not completely repealed but... it IS, essentially like the next... you know? I don't know... anyway. I'm just happy. So... I love you. Talk to you soon. Bye honey."

Not to be dramatic, but I must begin by saying that February 23, 2011 started out as just an ordinary Wednesday. But then...

12:44pm: Facebook post from my friend, a paralegal in an NY law firm:
"DOMA's going down :) " and then "[link] - got a memo about it at work about half an hour ago. big news!"
My first reaction: What?! When how where REALLY are you SURE?

For those in the dark, DOMA, or the Defense of Marriage Act, is a federal law, signed into law by President Clinton on September 21, 1996. (It's worth mentioning here that Clinton has since actually been supporting its repeal.) The hotly debated Section 3 of the Act defines marriage for federal purposes as the union of only one man and one woman. In practice, this means that even if we got married in a state where same-sex marriage is legal - say, Massachusetts or Connecticut - it would mean nothing on a federal level. No federal tax benefits, no federal family or medical leave, no Social Security survivor's benefits, no federal tax-free inheritance, and no immigration rights.

So what actually happened on February 23, 2011? Was DOMA repealed? No. It's still federal law. But the Obama Administration finally declared that it would stop defending this federal law in court. The Department of Justice (DoJ) will no longer defend this law. Technically, it is the DoJ's duty to defend all currently existing federal laws if they find a rational basis to do so. So why have they stopped defending DOMA? Because the Obama Administration has found DOMA to be unconstitutional - literally, in violation of the United States constitution.

So what's next? Well, hopefully, we keep pushing through organizations like HRC and the ACLU, and through bills such as the Respect for Marriage Act and the Uniting American Families Act, and through cases brought to national attention by brave individuals like like Edie Windsor and Alcota/Ojeda, and finally bring the sucker down by April 13, 2012.

The latest on this is another hold-your-breath-this-may-be-it piece of news:
"As the fate of the Defense of Marriage Act hangs in legal limbo, immigration offices in Baltimore and Washington, D.C. have indicated that they will put [green card] applications and petitions involving married, binational same-sex couples on hold until the issue is resolved, according to The Advocate."

Active resistance against the discriminatory DOMA. Even though nothing has legally changed, it's like our whole outlook has been transformed. It's a huge sigh of relief and gratitude. The end's in sight!

(image from here)

Friday, March 25, 2011

Wet Toes

Posted by Tigritza

So, Tasha's last post (posted yesterday - "And We're Back!") wasn't the first time she'd mentioned her fear of rain and wet feet on the wedding day. I guess you could say she's kind of a rainophobe. In fact, she's been bringing this up for quite a while - ever since we first even thought about the possibility of getting married.


I did a quick search for "wet toes" in my Gmail inbox, and came upon this goofy email chain from June 2009. 2009!! That was a year and a half ago! (Just over 2 years into our relationship.) It was probably the first time we'd thought seriously about possibly getting married one day in the very distant future, and we'd brought up the idea of getting married on an April 13th (which is the day we first met in 2007, on a Friday.) Immediately following that conversation, Tasha had no doubt begun worrying about the possibility of rain. And the following string of emails ensued...enjoy!

It's funny how this random conversation of all these hypothetical issues has materialized into the same actual issues that we're legitimately worrying about now - not much has changed!

Email chain on June 24, 2009. Subject: wedding planner.

Tasha at 2:55pm:
There is a "wedding planner" tab at the weather.com site... So I looked at April 13th __ average high is 59 F and average low is 38 F... I dont want a cold weathered wedding... I want it to be 75ish!

What do you think grasshopper?

~Tasha


Tigritza at 2:59pm:
I am confused, which year did you look at? I am confused. Would we potentially be getting married in 2012? That is a Friday. 2013 is a Sunday...what did we decide???


Tasha at 3:01pm:
silly! I looked at average temp over the years!
It wont change much ... not sure what year we are getting married tiger!


T
igritza at 3:02pm:
cmon what do you mean you're not sure!! we thought about this!! Cmonnnnn

i think 2012 because:
then the people who dont care wont come = smaller wedding
venue etc will be cheaper than a weekend wedding
it's friday the 13th! = cool

on the other hand, we would have to give people lots of notice to ensure that they take a day off work :)


Tasha at 3:05pm:
baby... im not talking about the year here! hmph
Yes, I think 2012 is much better... and of course we can give good notice... we will be planning this quite a bit in advance!

But my email's purpose was to alarm you of the cold weather!

COLD is not my thing! :(

what are your thoughts about the WEATHER!?


Tigritza at 3:11pm:
I know your purpose but evidently we got sidetracked on a much more important issue.

Anyway, I am sure you looked at the weather in Rockland in 2012 (ok ok in April, whatever) and quite frankly I do not care about the weather in Rockland because we are not getting married in Rockland.

Now I know you are thinking well it's going to be cold 100 miles from Rockland too! And to that I will say well are we getting married in NY? And then you will beat me up and say YES WE ARE and I'll say okay okay then in that case don't be so close-minded!

There are outdoor heaters that work wonderfully under a canopy (they trap in the heat sooo well) and bars use them on rooftops and stuff. And worst case we could have the wedding in like a gazebo that is heated from the inside.


Now go on google and look up what is a gazebo. Then tell me what do you think? :)


Tasha at 3:21pm:
Baby... the other thing that scares me... is this: the rain... you know how depressed I get when it rains... it ruins everything... and April is the month of RAIN.
it will ruin my hair and my dress and I'll have gooosebumps... I want it to be sunny and beautiful and warm and I like the idea of the gazebo/greenhouse thing but I want it to be WARM!
I want people to wear summery stuff

Also, if we have an outdoor wedding in April, we better have the Hindu fire thing set up! ... and a Jewish Hupa!

Also, we will have to take thursday off too (to prepare).
I'm really excited about thursday night -- the night before our wedding... i can't wait!


Tigritza at 3:24pm:
hahahahhaa
oh honey
planning ahead are we!

anyway stop worrying and complaining. you want to have a wedding anniversary in hot july every year, then just say the word! hmpf.


people dont think about the weather when picking wedding clothing. plus do we really have to do the jewish hindu stuff so extremely? i think it might be overkill. lets just think of a nice classy simple way to combine them - nothing too elaborate.


also, after thursday night, i dont think you have to worry about whether or not you'll have messy hair. i guarantee you it'll look pretty kooky after i'm done with you!


Tasha at 3:31pm:
oof
I dont want a wedding in july but early june would be nice... (I do really want an April 13th wedding... but it might SNOW! I just hate the cold!)

about clothing... are you serious!? I'm thinking about clothing right now! I might have to wear leggings under my dress! Do you want an extra layer of clothing to take off when we go home for the first time (as a married couple)!?
And hindu/judaism overkill might be too much yes. ok we will plan that in more detail later... (I dont really care about the hoopa but I do want some traditional jewish dancing... where they sit us on chairs and dance circles around us as some people hold the chairs up (do you know waht i'm talking about?)

and baby, im not worried about what you will do to my hair on Thursday night because early Friday morning I'm getting my hair done! Duh! :)

I LOVE YOU!!!!


Tigritza at 3:34pm:
i am SAYING that even the hairdressers will not know what to do with such a kooky mess!


Tasha at 3:36pm:
you are a kooky mess!

and you better not make me oversleep my hair appt!


Tigritza at 3:39pm:
anyway, we are not supposed to be together on the night before the wedding. i am not supposed to see you on the wedding day until the actual wedding!!!!


Tasha at 3:40pm:
o crap

so nothing the night before?
that's awful... where will i go? wont we be living together?


Tigritza at 3:44pm:
haha you volunteered to be the one to go! Yay


Tasha at 3:45pm:
hahhahahah

I cant wait to spend the rest of my life with you


Tasha, again, at 3:53pm:
Things I'm worried about:
- picking the perfect ring
- asking your parent's permission
- RAIN
- color of our bridesmaids dresses (sari or dress? ah!)
- color scheme of the decor
- the cake melting in the rain or freezing in the snow
- what my nails will look like (french manicur... but short enough)
- open toe shoes or closed toe?
- where are we going for our honey moon -- and when? leaving that weekend? (YES)
- bachlorette parties (i dont really want one... I have no friends)
- wedding vows... I have to write something witty and lovey? not my forte

... that's a bit of a list there... maybe I should worry about getting a job first


Tigritza at 4:03pm:
Okay, here are your answers little one:
- picking the perfect ring ---- Just dont make it too simple/boring. Ask JC for confirmation when you pick one.
- asking your parent's permission ---- don't be worried. I'm worried about your parents. They will laugh or shoot me.
- RAIN ----gazebo/canopy/greenhouse! it'd be scarier if it was June because then we wouldn't plan for any shelter from cold and if it rained then we'd be all out in the open and vulnerable
- color of our bridesmaids dresses (sari or dress? ah!) ---- maybe normal dresses or some sort of fusion style that isnt too elaborate, because then the two of us stand out?
- color scheme of the decor ---- please not red-and-white. we will be red-and-white (red sari and white dress), the rest of the wedding doesnt need to be. it's ok - we have friends with fashion sense and color-scheme sense.
- the cake melting in the rain or freezing in the snow ---- i am going to HIT you
- what my nails will look like (french manicur... but short enough) ---- manicurE yes. but yes short enough. i mean let's just get straight to the point - you're not going to be fooling anyone with long nails.
- open toe shoes or closed toe? ----open. duh!
- where are we going for our honey moon -- and when? leaving that weekend? (YES) ----yes that weekend. as long as it's not some beach honeymoon i'm happy.
- bachlorette parties (i dont really want one... I have no friends) ---- YES! you have friends you dumbo. the only problem is that friends overlap. LZ can attend your party maybe, but she cannot have a starring role.
- wedding vows... I have to write something witty and lovey? not my forte ---- aw man i hate cheesy shit like personalized vows.


Tasha at 4:39pm:
My responses to your answers::
-gimme JC's phone number :)
-why are you asking my parents' permission? I'm asking yours!!!
-yes yes gazebo/canopy... then we nee extra loud microphone since the rain will be so loud ... noone will hear anything!
-color of dresses? Just had an idea when you siad "maybe a fusion style"... MAGIC DRESS!
-color scheme of decor... definitely not red and white... how about light lavendar and yellow or light green or light orange (but def lavendar cuz of the flowers!)
-the cake freezing or melting in severe weather conditions - you didn't answer my problem
-manicurE - fine, problem solved
-open toe shoes.... what if my toes get wet - you know how I hate that...
-honeymoon gettaway - to be planned
-bachlorette parties... I dont know about this! I'll have MH plan mine! :) And CS!!!
-wedding vows- are you saying we wont have wedding vows? How will we say the I do part?
hmph


Tigritza at 4:46pm:
my comebacks to your responses:

-You want JC’s number? you're buying the ring NOW???
-well dont i have to ask your parents something or somebody has to run it by them at least!
-there is NOT going to be loud rain i mean for heavens sake for the LAST TIME enUFFF about this RAIN!
-color of dresses? ok but we'd have to really pin those magic dresses on good because i dont want one of them coming loose and stealing my thunder or getting my wife excited!
-yea maybe lavenDER would be nice...hmmm lets talk about it later not now i dont want to.
-ONCE AGAIN THERE IS NO MELTING OR FREEZING CAKE goodness enough about this nonsense! it will be the cake caterers job to protect the cake at all times and anticipate any conditions that might ruin the cake, that is what we are paying them for, if i wanted my wife to worry about that i would just pay her instead HMPF
-manicurE -okay then if the problem is solved WHY IS THIS STILL ON THE LIST
-if your toes get wet POOP on that! you will dress for the wedding pictures not for the weather! and enUP about this raiN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-honeymoon gettaway - yes the getaway must be planned *finger on nose* NOT ME!
-bachlorette parties... FUN! :)
-How will we say the I do part? ---- like this: "I DO. hmpf!"


Tasha at 4:56pm:
I have tears dripping down my face from all the laughing!!!!
my goodness... how do you keep a straight face at work? aren't you suppposed to be pretending to be busy?

double comebacks:


-Just gimme JC's number NOW!
-something has to run it by them!? what will that something be? o boy, another problem... but I believe the original one was how the hell will I ask your parents! (STILL WORRIED)
-no rain? Are you sure!? Are we still having a wedding in April because April is nick-named "the shower month" (and not cuz everyone showers, but because it RAINS!)
-yes pin it on good (what color tho!?) -- it's pretty hard to find a pretty magic dress!
-ok lets not talk about the lavenDER and color scheming
-so now I'm gettting money to worry about the cake? I'm confuzed... I dont want to be responsible! And how much are you insuring the cake for?
-manicurE - take this off the list... the problem is solved!
-I am not dressing for the pictures! I'm dressing for the event... maybe I should buy two pairs of shoes -- one for the rain and one for the sunshine? .... oh and what about snow?
-honeymoon gettaway NOT FAIR! We are planning this together! HMPH
-bachlorette parties... yes fun ok pine
-Tigritza, if you say "I DO HMPHFFF" on our wedding day, I am throwing my wet shoes in your face! You better take that hmphhhfff out of there! HMPH!